29 year old Ashley and Candice’s daughter at her dad’s wedding
This will melt your heart, guys. It actually went viral at the time it was written.
Candice Curry is 39 years old. She and her husband got divorced and he recently moved on by wedding another woman named Ashley Parish who is 10 years younger than Candice. Candice had hoped she and her 14 year old daughter with her ex-husband will hate Ashley, she had hoped she and Ashley will be very bitter enemies but something unexpected happened!
To My Daughter’s Stepmom
I never wanted you here.
You simply were never part of the plan. Growing up and dreaming of my family I never included you. I didn’t want help from another woman to raise my child. The plan was for my family to include me, daddy and our children, not you. I doubt you ever wanted me in your life. I doubt you planned to mother a child that you didn’t give birth to. I can bet that your plan for your family included you, daddy and your children together, not me or my daughter. I can almost bet that when you dreamed of becoming a mother it would be the day you gave birth and not the day you married your husband. I’m pretty sure you never planned on me being here.
But God has plans that far exceed our own and when my little family dissolved to form two families I knew you would be coming.
In my mind you would be a terrible beast and my daughter would not want you to mother her at all, ever! I was hoping that you would be semi unattractive and prayed my daughter wouldn’t look up to you. Her daddy would know that he was settling for second best. Evil swirled in me because I never wanted to face the fact that another woman would mother my child in my absence.
Then you arrived.
When I first met you I’ll admit you weren’t what I had in mind and a twinge of jealousy shot through my body.
You were supposed to be hideous, remember? But you weren’t, you were stunningly beautiful. You were supposed to be a mean old hag, remember? But you weren’t, you were a young, sweet woman.
My plans were foiled.
I realized by the look on your face that meeting me was just as hard as it was for me to meet you. My heart immediately softened. Dang your kind smile! I was planing on really hating you. Why are your ruining my plan?!
I wanted to resent you but you made it impossible and I quickly grew thankful for you.
You’ve accepted our daughter from the very start and have unconditionally loved both her and her daddy, that’s a true gift to all of us. You’ve included our daughter in everything you do and make her feel loved and accepted. You put her relationship with her daddy above yours and only a brave and courageous woman knows how to do that with such grace.
I knew when her daddy and I decided to divorce and live in separate homes there would be times when she would need me, her mommy, and I wouldn’t be there. I’m so thankful that you are there in my absence.I’m grateful that you have mercy on her teen years and never reject her. She needs a mommy at your house and you’ve done an amazing job being that for her.
You’ve respected my position as mom from the very start. I appreciate that you always check with me when you question if you are making the right decision with her. I know our situation is rare. It’s not often that a mom and stepmom text each other to remind each other that they love and respect each other. You are a gift.
Because of you and your courage to mother our daughter the way that you do, she will be a better woman. She will grow up with more love than I could have ever imagined.
It wasn’t her choice to have divorced parents and even though I wouldn’t wish that on any child I am so thankful that she now has 4 parents who love and respect her and each other. She’s compassionate because of it and understands that a failure in one area can turn into a blessing in another.
I don’t see you as a fill in for when I’m not there. You are her mother when she’s with you and when she’s with me. She’s excited to call you and tell you her stories when she’s at my house and that makes my heart want to jump from my chest with joy.I fill with pride when you wrap your arms around me and squeeze for a genuine and loving hug each time we see each other.
I am extremely aware of what it looks like when a mother cannot emotionally accept her child’s stepmother in their life.
Gratefulness pours heavily from me that we are able to rise above anything like that and do what is truly right for our daughter.
Thank you for being mature enough and respectful enough to co-parent with me.
I promise to always respect your input for our daughter.
I promise to never lessen the position you hold in her life or make you feel like you are not her mother. I promise to raise her to be grateful to have two strong and brave women in her life that have the courage to mother her together. Even though our situation is peaceful I pray that she is never in it, but if she ever finds herself here I promise to set an example for her of what co-parenting should look like.
Precious woman, you are a rare and beautiful gem.
God bless you and I love you.
Candice published the note on her personal blog, Women with Worth
Wow! What a stunning post. As a stepmom to a grown up son with a very prickly birth mother to deal with and as mummy to four girls who have their own stepmoms who I include as part of the girls’ vital tapestry, this is inspirational. Let there be more mummy’s like you. Let there be more stepmoms like Ashley. And most of all let there be love 🙂
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Indeed, love conquers all. You must have a lot of experience in the area of interwoven relationships and I know you have a lot of advice for people in such situations. For very many, it is a nightmarish and sticky situation especially for us as women.
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I’ve not written about it. I will one day. Women need support and I am so glad to have found a woman who is writing of the experience. Chapeau to you, as we say in France (though I’m displaced in New England right now 🙂 )
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No probs as my people would say. I found the article very endearing. The blog Addy is beneath the write up. You can reach out to her via it and who knows something very life transforming can happen. You might be motivated to write a best selling book cos you would be shocked at the large number of people with complex interwoven relationship. Just a thought
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Thank you for this. I have written books. Am writing another now but I know I avoid the story of my life Sometimes we stumble on things as kismet. If this is kismet, I thank you.
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You welcome. One of the hardest thing to write about is a memoir /one’s life journey so far. It is like baring your soul and if one must be sincere with one’s self and see things from time’s perspective, for many it is littered with many regrets. So , it is one of the most difficult tasks to do. To relive the past from fresh eyes.
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Walking through the ffire (sorry about the double F – my keyboard is being particularly odd) … I need to do that. We all need catharsis. Even if I never publish, I need to do it – I know that … the whispers round corners at random unprompted moments are testimony to it. I will. I will – thank you for giving a teeny push 🙂
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You are welcome ma, Am team Osyth,with all due respect ma, then do it asap and get it published. You just don’t know how many relationships you would strengthen and lives you would affect..Thanks once again for deciding to listen to the cosmos.
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I’ve listened and I have heard and my husband has metaphorically kicked my backside. I will. I promise. And I never break a promise 🙂
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Thank you ma.
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It takes a brave soul to embark on such a quest. Am in my 30s’ with a rich/full life. Am a old soul. Maybe just maybe in my autumn or winter years, I might have the courage to write a memoir.
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Do it girl. You have to because I just committed and … well – you actually have to now. I just made that a rule!
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A deep sigh! I have seen/ gone through a lot of things but one thing I can say for now is that I have been extremely favorable by God. I will get a diary so that I can start writing that will be when am on holidays.
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I’m on you case. Stay on mine 🙂
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You need to see my very wide grin. I will
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Fix it, photograph it, stick it on the fridge door to remind yourself when it gets forgotten which if you are fractionally as discursive as me, it will 🙂 x
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OK ma…I will do that …put it on my daily reminder list and get a manual diary ( am yet to like electronic diaries) on Monday.
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Electronic diaries are the work of satan. Use paper ! x
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Thank you ma
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